I get superstitious sometimes. I feel like I shouldn't have mentioned this to anyone, because I ended up not finishing the handful of tasks when I thought I would. Superstition is a funny thing. Sometimes there is something to it based on logical cause and effect. In this case, mentioning I was wrapping up my tasks earned me an extra task that made me late on the others. whatever.
Anyway, it is now with cautious optimism, I still think I am getting closer to slaying the monster. I have one definite task I am capable of competing and hope to complete Tuesday. Even if it takes me an extra day or two, it's not so bad. There are other monsters waiting for me, but none, I believe, as large as the one I have been fighting for an entire year now.
Of course, there is the other monster--the one that was born 3 months ago. He is finally sleeping through the night which means normalcy is about to return to our home life for the first time since we found out my wife was pregnant. Again, I fear voicing my optimism will bring something worse, but this truly is superstitious.
Now that I have some time to think, this reminds me of something the source sent me recently. The part of the article was something about the new obsession with understanding happinese:
'Nowadays, it’s not enough to be happy—if you can be even happier. The American Dream and the pursuit of happiness have morphed from a quest for general contentment to the idea that you must be happy at all times and in every way. “I am happy,” writes Gretchen Rubin in The Happiness Project, a book that topped the New York Times best-seller list and that has spawned something of a national movement in happiness-seeking, “but I’m not as happy as I should be.”'
Perhaps the link between slaying my monster and being happy enough is not direct, but in my mind there is some tendency to think, "When I finish with this project, and have this much money in the bank, and drive a nice car and get my life organized, I will be happy." There are a lot of things wrong with this, but it highlights faulty expectations about happiness:
- Happiness is an absence of stress
- Happiness is derived from material luxuries
- Happiness is derived from having complete control over one's life
- It is difficult to be happy when one is overwhelmed by stress
- It is difficult to be happy when you are lacking basic necessities
- It is difficult to be happy when you have no freedom (slavery, imprisonment)
What it seems to come down to for someone like me--and I think I am in a pretty typical situation--is that there is no reason I can't be happy today. In fact, there is plenty of reason for me to be content.
To continue the theme, I look back on some rather unlikely times with great fondness. Last year, for example, our house flooded and we were forced to live in a house much smaller. I have nothing but good memories about that time. Most of those memories are about being together with my family and finding ways to make the best of the situation we were in.
whatever.
"I like waking up after a bad dream
Makes it feel like life ain't bad
Little kids go out to play
They're just happy it's another day
It's up to you and me
And who's to say
These could be the good old days"
--the Good Old Days by Eels
3 comments:
Interestingly, out of your three "faulty expectations" of what will lead to happiness, the first two, particularly the second one, don't interest me much. I've usually been comfortable with a fair amount of stress, though those few times when I felt overwhelmed by it, I was definitely unhappy. I have little interest in material things, as you know, besides a few pieces of equipment which allow me to engage in two of my most favorite activities (communicating with others and recording as much of my life as possible).
But, man, I am obsessed with having control over my life. To the degree that money is required to make that happen, I am all about making money too. I loathe being out of control, and I dream of being in control.
In fact, my dream has three components: I work for no one, I do not have any damaged relationships in which I have to engage on a frequent basis, and I have no worries about having enough money to buy the necessities of life.
My fantasy is that if I could attain these things, I would be happy. Perhaps that's just another version of your list, I can kind of see that.
I hate to even talk about "happiness". I've felt this way for many years, perhaps unconsciously picking up on the cultural issues that your posts addresses. I prefer to talk in terms of "contentedness", which I imagine as more a state of general satisfaction with life, kind of a longer-term view of things.
I often wonder whether I would be content if I had my three things. For instance, I might win the lottery and, instead of living extravagantly, pay of my student loans, putting the rest into a trust which would pay out enough money to me such that I could pay a reasonable rent, buy groceries and gas, and make a bi-annual trip to Oklahoma. Then I would be free to study and write and pursue relationships (friendship and romantic) and perhaps even have children. Would I be content? Or maybe there's something inherent in me, maybe even some really ancient, biological drive, which would still render me discontent.
I think I wrote about this not so long ago, maybe being discontent got biologically wired into us many generations ago, as it causes us to constantly strive and push ourselves towards monetary and romantic and procreational success. The monetary and romantic success could easily get folded up into the procreational success making the whole thing evolutionarily favorable, even if the experience we have is distasteful.
Whatever. I try not to chase happiness, but I sure as hell am chasing contentedness. I don't even know if there's a real distinction, or what it means for me. I don't think I got too many gold stars growing up, but I definitely always felt I was special.
I'm just rambling now. Obviously, this is an interesting topic.
I like this post.
It reminds me to try to be content with what I have.
I like what St. Paul wrote
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
Philippians 4:11-13
Josh and I have almost this exact conversation all the time. Just to remind ourselves, I think. We're so fortunate to have these things that are making our life hard.
We've basically built our value system around gratefulness. It's just a matter of remembering how grateful we are for our children, Josh's job, that I get to take care of the girls full time, for our life. When we remember to be grateful, it's so much easier to find the joy. Sappy, but true.
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